When you are going through divorce or separation, it is natural to want support from someone you trust. If you have a new partner, spouse or close family member, you may feel that having them involved would help you make decisions and feel more confident during mediation.
However, family mediation is usually a process between the people directly involved in the dispute. This is normally the separating couple, or the parents who need to make arrangements for their children. Whether anyone else can attend will depend on the circumstances, the mediator’s assessment, and whether both parties agree.
At Lakes Mediation, we help clients understand who should attend mediation, what support may be appropriate, and how to keep the process fair, balanced and constructive.
Can My New Partner Come to Mediation?
A new partner does not have an automatic right to attend family mediation. Mediation is confidential, and the mediator must make sure the process remains safe, impartial and focused on the issues that need to be resolved.
In some cases, a new partner may be allowed to attend part of the process, but this will usually only happen if:
- both parties agree
- the mediator considers it appropriate
- their attendance will not increase conflict
- confidentiality is protected
- the discussion remains focused on the separating couple or parents
- the new partner is genuinely needed to help with decision-making
If the presence of a new partner is likely to make the other person feel uncomfortable, pressured or less able to speak openly, the mediator may decide that they should not attend.
When Might a New Partner’s Involvement Be Helpful?
There may be situations where a new partner’s involvement is relevant. For example, if you are discussing future housing, finances, childcare routines or practical arrangements that directly affect your household, you may feel unable to make decisions without first speaking to them.
In those circumstances, the mediator may discuss whether it would be helpful for your partner to be available outside the session, or whether a short part of the mediation should include them.
However, mediation should not become a discussion between the former partner and the new partner. The main focus must remain on the people who need to reach the agreement.
Support During Mediation
If you feel anxious about attending mediation, you should raise this during your MIAM or with the mediator before the joint session takes place.
There may be other ways to support you without bringing a new partner into the mediation room. These may include:
- shuttle mediation, where parties are in separate rooms
- online mediation
- breaks during the session
- time between sessions to reflect
- taking legal advice before or after mediation
- having a support person nearby but not in the session
- arranging separate arrival and departure times
The mediator will consider what is fair and appropriate for both people.
Should All Decision-Makers Be Present?
It is helpful for both parties to come to mediation ready to make progress. If you need to speak to a new partner, family member, solicitor or financial adviser before agreeing anything, that should be made clear.
Mediation does not usually require you to make final decisions on the spot. It is often sensible to take time to reflect, obtain legal advice, check financial information, or consider how an agreement will work in practice.
If an agreement is reached, it can be recorded in writing. For financial matters, this may be set out in a Memorandum of Understanding. For child arrangements, it may be recorded in a Parenting Plan.
These documents are not usually legally binding on their own. If you want an agreement to become legally binding, further steps may be needed, such as applying for a consent order through the family court.
Can I Take Time to Think Before Agreeing?
Yes. You should not feel pressured into agreeing something in mediation before you are ready.
Mediation is designed to help people make informed decisions. If you need time to consider an offer, speak to a solicitor, check financial details or discuss practical arrangements, this can be built into the process.
It is better to take time to reach a workable agreement than to agree quickly and later realise that the arrangement is not suitable.
How Long Does Mediation Take?
The length of mediation depends on the issues being discussed and how far apart the parties are.
Some issues may be resolved in one or two sessions. More complex matters, such as finances, property, pensions or detailed child arrangements, may take several sessions.
A mediation session often lasts around 90 minutes, although this can vary. In some cases, further sessions may be arranged if progress is being made but more time is needed.
You should not feel pressured to accept an agreement just because the session is coming to an end. Equally, if a fair and practical proposal is made early in the process, it should not be rejected simply because little time has passed.
The focus should be on whether the arrangement is suitable, realistic and in the best interests of any children involved.
How Lakes Mediation Can Help
At Lakes Mediation, we help separating couples and parents manage difficult conversations in a calm, structured and impartial way.
We can help with:
- MIAMs
- child arrangements
- parenting plans
- divorce and separation issues
- financial arrangements
- property discussions
- shuttle mediation
- online mediation
- support and attendance questions
If you are unsure whether a new partner or support person can be involved, we can discuss this with you and explain what may be appropriate.
Contact Lakes Mediation Today
If you are going through divorce or separation and need help reaching an agreement, Lakes Mediation can support you.
Contact Lakes Mediation today or call 01539 644 002 to find out how family mediation can help you move forward.