When you are going through a divorce or separation, family mediation can help you resolve important issues around children, property and finances in a calmer and more constructive way.
Many people have heard of mediation but are unsure what it involves, what to expect from the process, or how to prepare for their first meeting.
At Lakes Mediation, our experienced family mediators help separating couples and parents have structured discussions, reduce conflict and work towards practical agreements.
Here are six useful tips to help you get the most from family mediation.
Tip One: Prepare for Your MIAM
A Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, often called a MIAM, is usually the first step in the mediation process.
You do not need to bring every bank statement, pension document or item of financial disclosure to the first meeting. However, it is useful to think carefully about your situation before attending.
Before your MIAM, consider:
- what issues you want to resolve
- what arrangements are currently in place
- what you are worried about
- what outcome you hope to achieve
- whether there are any safety, communication or urgency concerns
- whether children, finances or property need to be discussed
Making a few notes beforehand can help you stay focused and make sure you cover the key points during the meeting.
Tip Two: Start the Process
If you and your former partner have been unable to reach an agreement, mediation can provide a structured way forward.
Many people find it difficult to resolve issues directly after separation, particularly where emotions are high or communication has broken down. Attending a MIAM gives you the opportunity to understand whether mediation is suitable and what options may be available.
It can also help you understand the court process if mediation does not go ahead. In many family cases, attending a MIAM is required before making certain applications to court, unless an exemption applies.
Even where the other person has said they do not want to mediate, receiving an invitation from a family mediator may encourage them to reconsider. If they still refuse, you can at least show that you have attempted to resolve matters in a constructive way.
Tip Three: Understand How Many Sessions May Be Needed
Family mediation usually takes place over a number of sessions. Many sessions last around 90 minutes, although this can vary depending on the issues being discussed.
Some parenting or financial issues may be resolved in a small number of sessions. More complex matters, such as property, pensions, business assets or detailed child arrangements, may take longer.
Mediation works best when both people use the sessions to look forward rather than repeatedly going over past conflict. The aim is to focus on what needs to happen next and how practical arrangements can be made.
It can also be helpful to have time between sessions. This allows both people to reflect, gather financial information, take legal advice, speak to mortgage advisers, or consider proposals before the next meeting.
Tip Four: Remember That the Mediator Is Neutral
You do not need to persuade the mediator to take your side. A family mediator is trained to remain impartial and will not judge either person.
The mediator is not a judge and does not make decisions for you. Instead, they help both people identify the issues, explore options and work towards an agreement.
Common issues discussed in mediation include:
- how children will spend time with each parent
- how communication will work after separation
- how two households can be managed financially
- what should happen to the family home
- how savings, debts, pensions or other assets should be dealt with
- how future arrangements can be made workable for everyone involved
The mediator’s role is to support constructive discussion and help both people consider realistic ways forward.
Tip Five: Avoid Trying to Mediate by Email
Long email chains and repeated text messages often make conflict worse. They can lead to misunderstanding, defensiveness and further disagreement.
Mediation gives you a dedicated space to discuss the issues that have not been resolved. Instead of trying to negotiate everything through messages, use the time between sessions to prepare properly.
This may include:
- gathering financial disclosure
- thinking about child arrangements
- reviewing your budget
- seeking legal advice
- considering what proposals may be workable
- identifying where you may be able to compromise
Keeping communication clear and focused can make mediation more effective and reduce unnecessary tension.
Tip Six: Focus on the Bigger Picture
Mediation is not about winning every point. The best outcomes are usually the ones where both people feel they have been heard and where the final arrangements are realistic and sustainable.
Trying to defeat the other person on every issue can make agreement harder. Being willing to listen, give ground where appropriate and consider the other person’s perspective can help create better long-term arrangements.
This is particularly important where children are involved. Parents may need to continue communicating for many years, so preserving a workable relationship can be just as important as resolving the immediate dispute.
Goodwill can make a significant difference in mediation. A practical compromise on one issue may help unlock agreement on another and avoid the stress, cost and uncertainty of court proceedings.
How Lakes Mediation Can Help
At Lakes Mediation, we help separating couples and parents resolve family issues in a calm, structured and impartial setting.
Our mediators can help with:
- MIAMs
- child arrangements
- parenting plans
- divorce and separation issues
- property and financial arrangements
- communication difficulties
- shuttle mediation
- online and face-to-face mediation
We aim to help both people move forward with greater clarity, less conflict and practical arrangements that work for their family.
Contact Lakes Mediation Today
If you are going through a divorce or separation and need help resolving child, property or financial issues, Lakes Mediation can help.
Contact Lakes Mediation today or call 01539 644 002 to find out how family mediation can support you.